State-of-mind

Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom on the tree you know how I feel

- Nina Simone (Feeling Good)

Fish in the sea, you know how I feel... river running free... blossom on the tree... these lyrics remind me of what I have been longing for! These lines give me the sense of freedom which I can't feel. My mind is trapped in this spiral of thoughts that doesn't have an end. This mind trap is similar to the state of a prisoner in a dungeon, with no escape.

Today, as I sit here staring at my laptop with sleep in my eyes, the mind doesn't allow it to shut. It's been a couple of sleepless night and no peace of mind. The thoughts of my lifelessness groping me from every corner. The only time, this mind can escape is when I listen to music. There used to be dreams before, but now there are only nightmares. Earlier there used to be prayer, but now only mockery.

Hope. Frustration. Dream. Big. Work. Peace. Friends. Society. Restlessness. Work. Travel. Life. Meaningful. Emptiness. Tension. Loans. Bills. Comfort. Disgraced. Useless. Worthless. Decisions. Nightmares. Sleeplessness. Sorrow. Money. Shame. Annoyed. Helpless. Bothered. Worth. Simple life. Freedom. Achieve. Make people happy. Depressed. Empty. Education. Responsibility. Loneliness. Enjoyment. Rejoice. Destiny. Luck. Future. Blocked. Full stop. Stalled. Sadness. brain. Bleed. Express. Ideas. Contacts. Race. fear.

So what runs through my brain? Veins. And they carry these words that pump in and hit harder. It seems they are gathering somewhere.. Conspiring against my thoughts, in the dark they are growing each day... every hour... every minute... every second. It feels like a tumour, heavy on the head. And I live with it every day with a fear one day it might just burst.

But like they say, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, which we believe is the symbol of hope. The SILVER lining. Likewise, my heart is that light at the end of the tunnel, the hope and the silver lining! The heart is that shines bright like the summer sun and pumps in happiness! The heart that lives forever!

And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel

- Nina Simone (Feeling Good)